I wanna bring you to show and tell
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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