I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
