super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
