uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
