The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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