? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
