i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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