So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
