Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
