Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
