Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
