I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
