his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
