Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
