how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
