note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
