we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
