I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
