well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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