Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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