An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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