he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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