I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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