I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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