If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
time to smoke my breakfast
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
