I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
