just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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