your thong is hanging out like whoa
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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