i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
