Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
