I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
