he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
