cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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