bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
