Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
