my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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