I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
