She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
