I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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