Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
