i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
