he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
