I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was like eating out sand paper
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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