so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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