How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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