What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
