a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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