why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
