I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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