She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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