Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
