Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
