I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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