hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
