dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
