You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
