woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize