omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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