The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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