I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
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So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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