you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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