Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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