I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
