So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
