what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
