if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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