I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
