Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
