I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your shirt... Was in my pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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