all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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