theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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