Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
