hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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