i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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