I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
