even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
