so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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