she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
