so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
