you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
