the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
